Stories

How We Became Three

Parker Adventist Hospital’s Adoption Support Program Means Happy Beginnings for New Families

By Shauna Gifford

The prospect of a baby’s arrival can churn up anticipation and anxiety in any expectant parent.

For adoptive parents-to-be, there are additional worries—like the one Brandon and Kelly Borgmann heard about at a barbecue. A couple who were adopting had arranged to be with their baby’s birth mother when she delivered. But when the time came, nervous and ill-informed hospital staff had barred them from the floor, telling them flatly, “You don’t belong here.”

The story worried Kelly; she had thought the hard part of becoming parents was behind them. Four years of tests, tears, medical procedures and renewed hope had led to the crushing disappointment of being told she could never give birth.

Yet now she and Brandon were so close to having a family.

A pregnant woman had chosen to place her baby with them. She was due in less than two months, and the Borgmanns planned to be there to welcome their child into the world. Was this all going to end in an ugly scene, with Brandon and Kelly being treated like they didn’t belong at the hospital and like their baby didn’t belong with them?

“Then we got connected with Rebecca.” Kelly smiles.

Rebecca Vahle is Parker Adventist Hospital’s adoption support liaison. She and her husband are adoptive parents three times over, and their experiences varied widely, ranging from wonderful to awful. The bad experiences sensitized Rebecca to the needs of adoptive couples; the good experiences showed her that hospitals could do a better job, with a bit of education and investment.

Parker was willing to make that investment, becoming the only hospital in Colorado—and one of the few in the nation—to provide adoption training and support.

The program includes newborn care classes for adoptive parents—who, like birth parents, need to learn baby basics, but who, Rebecca realized, might not feel comfortable attending a class full of pregnant couples.

Staff needed training of a different sort. So Parker introduced mandatory, paid day-long training sessions to address adoption misconceptions, legal implications, emotional aspects and language.

“It’s so easy to say the wrong thing,” says BirthPlace Director Donna Pinson. “The training gave us the knowledge to deal with situations much more effectively and taught us how to talk to people—using terms like ‘relinquishment’ versus ‘giving up a baby.’ It’s empowering to know how we can make the experience the best it can be for parents.”

When the Borgmann family’s big day finally came, it was everything they’d hoped for and nothing they’d worried about.

“From the time [Valhe] met us in the parking lot, we felt like we belonged,” Kelly says. “They treated us like we were nothing less than Adeline’s mommy and daddy. The entire experience was wonderful, beautiful and spiritual in so many ways. I can’t say enough good things about Parker. It’s just different there.”

It’s the sort of thing Valhe lives to hear. But she knows it’s not about her. “This job is so clearly God-orchestrated that whatever He wants to give me, I’m open to it. I just kind of say, ‘Okay, God, I’m here with my little prayer, and here’s another door, and I’m going through it. Where do you want to use me?’ The response is better than I ever imagined. I’m truly blessed.”

Shauna Gifford of CMBell Company writes for Parker Adventist Hospital.